I'm ready to feel like a woman again. Like the woman I once was.
Okay, naturally, after having just given birth, I feel like 'a woman'. But what I'm talking about is feeling like a welcome back to the land of the living kind of woman.
It's harder than it was when I had Georgia.
Again, naturally, having two children to care for is more of a challenge than just having one.
It didn't take long after having Georgia to snap back to my old self. Like most newborns, she slept most of the day, so I had plenty of time to rest and pamper myself in small ways.
This go-round, that 'pampering' hasn't come so easily. But that doesn't mean I still don't desire it.
After all, it does make a woman feel much more feminine when her legs are shaved.
It's also lovely to have nicely trimmed and painted toenails.
And plucked eyebrows.
And maybe even a haircut at some point in the last six months.
But even more than that, I have a (albeight small) desire to actually work out or something and get this body of mine back into working mode. I think it's spent too much time on the couch recooperating. It's feeling stale and lifeless. Like it needs a little jump start.
I strongly dislike working out. I don't know why. I know many people who find it invigorating, energizing, even relaxing. I find it painful and boring and I hate it. And when I dislike something, I have to really be pushed to accomplish it. I usually can always successfully do it - but it's just a matter of really being shoved over the edge.
That being said, I'm trying to set a realistic goal for working out. But what should it be?
Here are my excuses, before we really brainstorm on this:
1. I already am getting up eaaaaarly to feed Owen and make Stuart's breakfast. And since Owen's also still eating once in the middle of the night, loosing any more sleep is not an option. Mornings are a no-go.
2. Ya'll, by the end of the day, I'm tiiiiired. Georgia goes to bed at 7:00, but then it's time to feed and bath Owen, finish up the last of the chores for the day and put the house back together. I can't imagine mustering up enough energy to add a workout routine after all that. By the time it's said and done, I just want to curl up in bed and watch Man vs. Wild. Booya.
I know, I know. Excuses, excuses. But they're true.
I don't want to let myself go. I promised my husband I would always try and take care of myself which I really think is important in a marriage. Even though I'm currently still sporting yoga pants around the house 24/7.
Maybe it's time for me to accept that I'm not the super-energetic, bachelorette I once was. The one who's biggest concern was what color of eyeshadow to wear. Or what shoes went best with that blouse. The one who had hours and hours free to sit in a salon and get her hair highlighted. And extra money to spend on such treatments.
Alas, time changes things. My body has now born two children. I can't expect myself to look like I did in college - that's not where I am anymore, after all. And I am thankful for that.
Where I am is in the here-and-now. And here, I need to stop typing this post so I can go into the shower and take five minutes to shave my legs. And here, I need to then spend a good twenty minutes trying to fix these hairy caterpillars that are taking over my forehead with some tweezers. And here, I need to just get my booty in gear and start working out if I want my strong body back.
It's all a balance, isn't it?
I don't want to strive for 'what was' because it'll never be again.
But on the flip-side, I have a wonderful husband who deserves to have a wife who cares for herself. Who takes the time to look good for him.
Cause I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to curl up with a hairy Sasquatch at night.
And I'm pretty sure Lanolin doesn't count as a beauty product.
Just sayin'.
You seriously crack me up! I can so identify with everything you wrote. My twins were, like, 8 months old before I quit wearing maternity clothes. I didn't wear them because I needed to. They were just REALLY comfortable! As far as the whole working out thing goes, don't do something you really hate just because you think you need to do it. Find an activity you love, like walking around the neighborhood pushing a stroller. Got a road with some hills, even better. Do what you love so you get the health benefit of cardio exercise and you get the mental benefit of not dreading having to do it each day!Now I have to go clean coffee off my screen from the sasquatch comment!!!
ReplyDeleteWe need to go for walks together! When is a good time for you?
ReplyDeletePS - lanolin totally counts.
Thanks for sharing! I think we all feel that way after giving birth, although you are highly motivated since Owen's only 2 weeks old. :) Maybe you can work in a walk after lunch or after Georgia's nap time. You'll get exercise and fresh air. But don't be too hard on yourself...you're still in the 6-week postpartum window and shouldn't feel guilty about resting and recovering!
ReplyDeleteCut yourself a little slack....you just ran a 9 month marathon, then climbed Everest to birth that precious babe! Mid-day walks with the kiddos in a stroller were glorious and helped to perk my spirits after my third was born. Take it before lunch, then nap when they do! Everyone will feel so much better! Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything said here! Give yourself a minute, girl. I think starting with walking once a day is a great start. Either go in the mornings or in the early evenings after you've put dinner in the oven. Getting outside and moving will perk you right up.
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty! The best thing I would tell you to do is walk. Bundle the kids up, stick them in a stroller and walk. Anywhere. Everywhere. You will feel so much better after you do, even if it's not a long walk, or a vigorous one.
ReplyDeleteDon't think of working out in terms of time, think of it in terms of activity. If you have five minutes, do lunges, bicep curls or crunches. Pick three things to do and fit them in over the day.
ReplyDeleteChelle
Ok, I hope you can take this to heart. Like all the other mama's said...take it easy. You are only two weeks out. I fit into my size 2's 5 weeks after my first was born. With my second it took a few months. Now with my third, she's almost 5 months and I'm almost back to 'normal'. I struggle too with wanting to fit into my old clothes, but my husband reassures me that I'm still beautiful to him and that our kids are worth it. And they are. :) With the addition of each child your time for yourself lessens. That's ok. Children are blessings and I'm sure your hubby is so in love with his two children and especially in love with his wife(you) who has cared for them both in the womb and out. Give yourself time, you will feel back to normal. The first 3 months are the hardest due to you finding a new routine, needing sleep, and your body returning to it's formal self. Our culture expects us to be able to look like we haven't ever had a child within weeks of giving birth. This isn't reality. Go on walks with your babe's and give yourself some time out of the house...it will do wonders for your mind and body. In a few more weeks or a month or two, a sense of normalcy will return.
ReplyDeleteShaye I love how you write and share your vulnerabilities. Your post about feeling like a woman was right under what Jada Pinkett-Smith said about being a woman on my FB timeline. :) I love and honor you as a woman. A woman that just gave birth to a beautiful life. Maybe our husbands shouldn't get grouped into the same care taking we do for our children when we are staying home in this way? Maybe when our husbands come home from their external-adult world/jobs, they can care for us or in the least care for them selves? Being whole for ourselves is the only way we can be whole and serve our families. Being IN your body is great but working out to look good for your husband, especially 2 weeks post baby is not a pressure I would wish for any woman! I don't mean to sound too intense. But I do take this very seriously. Women raising/birthing children truly need a village to support and help for a successful and healthy outcome. We need a crew feeding US with nourishing foods and stories in these times. Please, please, please, take it easy! I know you know these things. I just want to remind you. Your hairy body is beautiful and perfect! And Stuart can make his own breakfast.
ReplyDeleteTry to stop thinking about things as a "workout". Keep a couple of small dumbells, 5 and 10 lbs around and whenever you get a minute or two do some curls or some shoulder presses. If you have just two steps in your home you can get a great aerobic work out! Put on some quality stompin' music (but of course not too loud so as not to hear the kiddies!) Step up and down, lift a knee, you can find some ideas on the net. Five or ten minute sets can add up! Your kids can be entertained with your antics - just make faces at them and funny noises while you are doing your thing. Good luck and don't be so hard on yourself!
ReplyDeleteReturning back to 'normal' was harder with my second child as well. She was actually an easier baby, but all I wanted to do was feel like a member of the family again where what I felt like was a loving cow. I completely understand how you feel.
ReplyDeleteFollow the advice of the ladies above, just get out and move. I don't know if you use a stroller or baby wear, but get outside! You live on the Gulf Coast where there is a much more moderate winter (even though I would take 20 degrees and low humidity than 40 and dampness). I loved just getting out of the house to feel the sun and show my then 2 year old everything you could see in the winter while I wore her sister. It wasn't long before the baby was looking out too. The more you move, the better you will feel, and then you will be chasing two youngsters for your aerobic workout! My mom did this with my brother and me and I did it a little; use Georgia or Owen as your weights for leg presses or reverse push ups. Heal a few more weeks before you do this, but the kids love being involved in play with mommy while you get a little extra benefit as well.
To be fair, I always tell myself after childbirth, "It took me 9 months to get like this, it's gonna take me 9 months to get back to normal again." And by that 9 month mile marker, I'm always back to myself again.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be yourself again in no time :) I'm with you. Exercise is SO not fun. Come Spring, you'll be so busy in the garden it'll be like going to the gym without the membership fees.
I'd just look at it like this: lugging short people around is exercise, vacuuming/sweeping is exercise, dealing with laundry is exercise, scrubbing out the tub is definitely exercise. And if you're particularly motivated, lifting and lowering tomato juice cans (or whatever) while cooking is exercise. And like Kendra above, yard work in the Spring is very physical. I don't have babies, but my thoughts are don't worry about it for a few months, and by then, you'll be surprised how far you've come. Rest is healing for now.
ReplyDeletebrenda from ar